The Joys of Spring, Spring Cleaning VER
by Flying Hamster of Doom
Summary: Hiei, Kurama, and Duo are sent on a mission for the Sunshine Hills Anime Retirement Community. But to what end...? This is a revision of our first fanfic. The fic is three years old, but it was written in a lazy format. So I spruced it up a bit. Enjoy. RR


January 17, 2004

I can't blame the creation of this story on anything but my mental condition, and my friend April's obsession with fan fic's.

April: Huh? Hey its not my fault.

I didn't say it's your fault I said I was going to blame you.

April: Oh. Okay then.

None of the characters in the story belong to me. Including the cat on the mountain. No animals were hurt in the making of this fic… Any damage to the author was completely out of my hands. You'll have to take up any complaints with the characters. That it all.

Editing Note: This is an old story, that I recently decided to do some revision on. It was created way back, when it was a popular plot device to change the gender of male characters from different series, by introducing them to the cursed springs found in Ranma 1/2. It happened so much that I just couldn't resist poking fun at it. Looking back at the old version, it was pretty crappy. I didn't want to lose it's six reviews, however, so I left the old version up. It wasn't solely my decision anyway and Hamster1 thought it best to leave the first version up. That is all. Hamster2 signing off.

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The Joy of Spring.

In a darkened room, illuminated only by the soft glow of a computer screen, three shadowed figures huddled in conversation. Close by, there's muffled yelling coming from a large sack in the corner.

" So, what should we do with it?" Asked the first figure. He steps forward revealing himself to be a teenage boy with long brown hair pulled into a braid.

"I don't know maybe we'll give it a sex change… any springs near by?" Suggests the smallest of the trio. His eyes glow faintly with a sinister red light.

"Oh, of course we passed like five of them on the way here. The one I was hurled in was about a mile back," the last one of their group says as he smiles evilly, whilst twirl a red rose in one hand.

"Oh yes, that sounds like a brillant idea. As expected from you, Kurama. I'll drag the bag this time." Duo smiles, pleased now that they have a suitable course of action.

The sounds from the now squirming bag become panicked, desperate even, as Duo grabs the bag and follows after Kurama and Hiei.

And so, our revenge driven psy… I mean heroes embark on their journey for the perfect spring.

After a long detour to avoid the infamous spring of drowned girl they see another spring. The sign reads…

"Spring of drowned tree sloth. Hmm, what do you guys think of this one? Not really a gender bender, but promising all the same." Duo looks to his companions. His voice is weary and he sounds as if he just wants to be done with this assignment.

Hiei considers it for a second, also ready to be done with the whole thing, but a thought convinces him otherwise." Nah. They have enough trouble finishing their stories," he says. The other two give it some thought themselves and quickly determine that he is right.

"Besides," Kurama interjects, " I already have one in mind." The grin that slowly spreads across his lips is devilish enough to erase any doubts that his comrades may have harbored about his demonic origins.

The bag is curiously still for a moment, and then starts furiously writhing with renewed desperation.

Deciding that being turned into a tree sloth wasn't quite sadistic enough they move on. A few miles and a couple switches of bag dragger/carrier later they come across another spring however this one is a bit different. Our trio sees an area more heavily sealed than Hiei when he was a baby. Several men seem to be guarding it.

"Hmmm. What's this? There's a chain link fence, barbed wire, steel barricades…" Duo begins to cite as his eyes scan the area.

"Spirit wards…?" Hiei questions upon examination of the small papers tied to the fencing.

"What? No machine gun turrets?" Duo jests. No sooner then the words leave his lips, does the whirling sound of said turrets locking on to target, echo through the air. "Never mind."

They go closer to ask the guards what's the big deal, but before they make it up to the main gate, a man with black spikey hair intercepts them.

"I'm going to ask you to not come any closer. It's for your own good." Goku raises his hand to stop their progress, then adjusts his uniform in an uncomfortable manner.

"Why? What's in there?" Kurama askes.

"Just go ok!?" Another guard says, rudely. He has short black hair and is carrying a strange looking sword. His name tag just says 'Kamui'.

"That ones rude, that he is. If you really want to know, just read that sign." Says a third guard, with long red hair pulled back in a pony tail. Kenshin smiles warmly, as he points in the sign direction.

Hiei reads the sign while Kurama and Duo ask about Inu Yasha. Seems he was the best guard dog they could find. Shortly after they turn around to see Hiei way way WAY down the road.

"What's with him?" Kurama wonders outloud.

Duo, curious as to what could scare the little demon so, reads the sign.

"It says, in broken Chinese, Mary Sue drowned spring…?"

The two of them ponder it's meaning, before Kurama suddenly perks up, having figured it out.

"Oh! I got it spring of drowned Mary… Ah. Duo! Run now, run fast, and don't look back!" Kurama shouts. He is already half way down the road leading away from the spring.

Duo is quickly follows after him as they make a mad dash for anywhere but here. Soon after Hiei reappears at the spring grumbling something, grabs the bag and quickly departs.

A few miles and a plentiful amount of kicking and screaming from the bag later the sky decides to open up and a flood of rain falls to the sky. Snickering can be heard coming form the bag.

"Wow this rain sure is cold." Kurama says in a loud and over dramatic way.

"No kidding. Aren't you glad we found that spring of drowned boy?" Duo's voice is just a little loud and bit over happy for it to be a normal conversation.

Hiei chuckles to himself. All that is heard from the bad is a resounding 'NOOOOOOOOOOO!'

They pass the spring of drowned kitten, and Hiei shudders.

"It'll be alright, Hiei. Just keep walking," Kurama says as he offers reassurence in the form of a guiding hand on his friends back.

Our adventurer's quest is almost at an end as they reach a large rocky mountain.

"Just up this mountain and we'll be there." Kurama informs them. They stare up the path with both exhaustion and longing.

"Looks pretty rough." Duo says, as he wipes the sweat from his brow. The day has been long and the sun hot. They are all tired and noone is looking forward to the climb.

Hiei looks at the mountain, looks at the bag, and grins. With bag dragging behind him, Hiei makes sure to hit every bump, crag, and giant boulder on the way. On their way they see a cat person trying to sell them things… they move on.

"Finally, we're here." Kurama lets out a huge sigh of relief.

Everyone looks at the sign and smiles maliciously. Duo lets out a chuckle. The bag appears to be whimpering. They untie the bag and dump it in. The flailing body makes a large splash. A few moments later, one of the strangest creatures emerges from the water.

"Wow, that's pretty bad. Do you think that maybe this was just a bit cruel?" Duo asks noone in particular.

They stand there, apparently in deep thought for a moment, then in unison come to an agreement. "Nah!" They all looked down over the ledge of the cliff to observe their creation.

We have the platypus looking a bit ticked off. It holds up a sign that reads 'YOU BAKA'S!!!'

Hiei bursts into laughter.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" He shouts down to the creature.

"Kare wa no nihon-go wa hana-mochi narimasen." Duo taunts.

"Aho onna!" Kurama adds.

Hiei, not wanting to be left out of the fun, joins in with "Tawake-mono. Kakedashi no sammon bushi."

As the group starts to leave the platypus holds up a sign reading DON'T LEAVE ME HERE, but they already have their backs turned.

Half way down the mountain path, Kurama stops."Are we forgetting something?" he wonders.

"Nope." Hiei answers without a sparing a single thought on the matter.

Back at the Mary Sue spring…

"What do you suppose was in that bag?" Goku absentmindly askes as he gazes up at the darkening sky.

"A fanfiction author. I recognize that smell anywhere." Inuyasha tells him. He swats at a mosquito, before scratching at one of his ears.

"Like impending doom, that it is." Kenshin states. Above them the twilight cast shadows over the lands. In the distance, crawling along, cold and shivering, a platypus sighs deeply. It turns to the setting sun and shakes one of it's webbed feet at it, then continues off into the growing shadows.

THE END


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